Home Run Derby dud
Posted: Monday, July 09, 2007 5:53 PM
I love the Home Run Derby. I wish they’d bring it back some day.
I’m not sure what that was on my television tonight. It must have been exciting, because ESPN consumed an entire hour previewing it and Chris Berman yelled himself hoarse before he got half way through the introductions.
There was a band, too, which the fans might have been able to see if they weren’t engulfed in smoke and flames from a pyrotechnic show. I’d look up the name of the band, but then you might be tempted to listen to their music, which would be a mistake.
But back to my love affair with Home Run Derby. It goes back to the original TV series by that name, which was filmed in Wrigley Field in Los Angeles in 1959. Willie Mays won the series, beating Mickey Mantle, who was apparently so hungover he couldn’t find home plate, much less the baseball. I don’t remember that. All I really remember is that my boyhood hero, Rocky Colavito, lost to somebody, after which I lost interest.
That series was great because all it consisted of was two guys taking turns trying to clear the fences. They played nine innings with three outs an inning. Anything that didn’t leave the yard was an out, as was any strike the hitter didn’t swing at. (Yes, they had an umpire.)
Mark Scott, a L.A. broadcaster, called the action and talked to the players when they weren’t hitting. But I don’t really remember a lot about the show. Fortunately, jumptheshark.com has a page of comments from people who do remember. There’s some funny stuff there.
So when Major League Baseball revived the show as part of the All-Star break in 1985, I was all for it, and remained so for most of the past 20 years.
The comprehensive Wikipedia recap of 22 years of the All Star Game version of the contest can be found here. It’s worth a look, if only to see that Dave Parker won the first one in 1985 with 6 and it was six years before anyone hit more than that to win. (The hitters weren’t worse in the old days; before 1991, hitters got five outs an inning for two innings.)
But lately, as with so many other things, it’s become so popular ESPN has finally felt obliged to ruin it. I mean, do we really need a “SCUBA Cam?” Or a reporter in a kayak in McCovey Cove? Or three commentators at a desk? Or Peter Gammons in the stands delivering such profundities – and affronts to grammar – as “this is one of the most unique events in sports.” I love Gammons. I want to be Gammons. He’s forgotten more about baseball than I ever knew. But an event is either unique – it means “singular,” “one-of-a-kind,” “sui generis” – or it isn’t.
And it is unique, period. Nothing else like it. Leave it at that.
You also get John Kruk – or was it Joe Moran? - saying intelligent things such as, “There are no easy home runs in this ballpark.” Apparently, he didn’t notice that it’s 309 down the right-field line instead of the standard 320-330 and 364 to left center instead of the standard 385. I don’t know if that’s cheap, but it’s a deep discount.
But we can’t let anything be what it is without beating you over the head with it, screaming about it, and ignoring everything that might constitute a negative note.
So the broadcast crew practically wet themselves talking about how it was a young generation taking over without ever mentioning that the reason there are so many kids in the contest is because none of the veteran stars want to spend a couple of hours entertaining the paying customers.
One of them, Barry Bonds, sat down with Gammons and did himself proud, presenting himself as not just a good guy but a thoughtful one as well.
Asked if he was sorry he wasn’t participating, Bonds said, “This is my hometown. I wanted to do it, but at my age, I can’t do it. I’m not capable of doing it.”
He was good, very good. “I’m very grateful that they voted me onto the All Star Team,” he said of the fans. And he said the right thing about Hank Aaron’s decision not to witness the home run that breaks his record.
“Hank has a life. You can’t predict when it’s going to happen,” he said, saying it’s not fair to expect him to follow Bonds around for as long as it takes to break the record.
As for Selig, bonds said, “He’s the commissioner. If he wants to represent the game of baseball, then that’s on Bud Selig, that’s not on me.”
The problem, though, is that what with the interview and the talk and the cuts to the cove and Berman’s incessant home-run calls, they don’t actually show much of the action.
First it’s Bonds, then it’s A-Rod, and then somebody else. It’s the Home Run Derby, and it’s the greatest show in the game, the contest that needed an hour’s introduction and a band and fireworks and a SCUBA-Cam, but first, let’s hear from John Kruk in Bristol ...
