January 2008 - Posts
The big silver blister erupting from the red dirt of the desert in Glendale, miles from downtown Phoenix, is called University of Phoenix Stadium, which begs the question, “Is this where the online university plays its virtual football games?”
It doesn’t, of course. The University of Phoenix doesn’t play football as far as I know, which is too bad, because I keep imagining the cheerleaders jumping around their rooms at home in front of web cams. Instead, this stadium -- the home of the Cardinals, who are rumored to be an NFL team -- is the only one in the land sponsored by a university instead of hosting one.
The online university, whose unsolicited emails, ads and pop-ups infest cyberspace, actually has a campus in Phoenix. We drove past it on the way to the Giants’ hotel, and it’s a sprawling complex of multi-story buildings, all looking gleaming and brand-new. It makes it appear that there’s substantial money in online degrees.
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It probably shouldn’t be surprising that Tom Brady chose not to discuss “Das Boot” and his injured right ankle with the media on Thursday or Friday. You have to remember that he’s playing for Bill Belichick, a man who’s never heard a question he couldn’t avoid answering or a reporter he wouldn’t cross the street to avoid meeting.
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Football is a lot more fun when quarterbacks are bachelor celebrities. It’s a truth most football fans weren’t even aware of, there not having been one worthy of that designation since Broadway Joe Namath was sampling blondes and winning the Super Bowl nearly 40 years ago.
The sad truth is that quarterbacks as a breed are a pretty dull lot. As exciting as they may be on the field, they tend to marry young and stay at home during their off hours, watching film, studying game plans and getting their rest. As a rule, quarterbacks are probably the dullest athletes in all of sports, a group that makes fly fishermen seem wild and crazy.
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Every time Congress holds one of its hearings for its members can show constituents that they’re right on top of the major issues of the day, I’m always left with one unanswered question: How do these people get elected?
That feeling surfaced a lot on Tuesday while watching George Mitchell, Bud Selig and Don Fehr jump through hoops for a subcommittee that has taken it upon itself to show the nation just how tough it is on performance-enhancing drugs.
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Kelly Tilghman should have used a different choice of words or, better yet, an entirely different analogy. But what the Golf Channel anchor said about Tiger Woods last Friday did not merit being suspended for two minutes let along two weeks.
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Congratulations to Goose Gossage, Hall of Fame relief pitcher. Yeah, it was a long time coming, and a generation from now people will wonder how a guy that great at his job could sit on the ballot for eight years before being elected.
But he’s in now, and the rest doesn’t really matter.
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If Roger Clemens had been paying attention these past five years or so, he’d know that he can’t deny his way out of this one.
According to the P.R. folks over at “60 Minutes,” Clemens told the show’s Mike Wallace that the only thing his former trainer, Brian McNamee, injected him with were Vitamin B-12 and lidocaine. The B-12, he said, is something he’s taken for years and the lidocaine was for his joints.
From what I can find, lidocaine is a local anesthetic like novocaine. It can also be used topically to treat skin irritation, but if you take a shot of it in the butt, which was the target area specified by McNamee, it’s not going to go to your joints. All you’re going to get is a numb butt, which might be helpful if it’s sore from all the other shots you’re getting in that part of your anatomy.
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What’s good for the Dolphins is probably going to be very bad for the Dallas Cowboys. Bill Parcells probably hasn’t even finished moving his elephant collection (Trunks up for good luck.) into his new office, but he’s already well along in the business of rebuilding the franchise.
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