Nike's new Kobe ad is simply stupid
Posted: Saturday, April 12, 2008 2:08 PM
What’s the point, Nike? No, don’t answer. Let me guess.
You want to inspire some of your customers to compete for a Darwin Award? Or maybe you just wanted to revive the “Jackass” franchise by inspiring some stupid human tricks of your own?
I can’t think of any other reason for the new online Kobe commercial in which your hero appears to leap over an onrushing Aston Martin convertible.
You did a good job on it, as you do on all your commercials. So good, I didn’t know that Kobe didn’t actually leap over anything until he admitted it’s a bit of Hollywood magic at work.
So if I have this right, Nike faked a trick that has nothing to do with sports but a lot to do with that on-the-edge slogan they keep ramming down our throats: Just Do It. The company has to know there are plenty of testosterone-soaked kids out there who are going to want to try this and a few who will. Because Kobe did it, and Kobe wears Nike, and Nike is cool.
And even if nobody gets killed or injured, what’s the point? Just do what? Jackass stunts?
We all know what the kids are just supposed to do – buy stuff with swooshes. Nothing else matters. It’s not about anything but that – selling stuff few of us actually need for prices we don’t really need to pay.
And the way you do that is to just dump great loads of money on sports heroes in return for their promise to wear your stuff instead of the other company’s stuff. It’s the definition of success for athletes – not how well they or their teams do, but how much they make in endorsements and how many commercials they make.
I’ve got no problem with the jocks making the money. Endorsement deals are like CEO contracts. If somebody wants to give them all that cash, that’s what they get.
It does bother me that we buy things to be like others because we have no other personal identity.
Nike issued a statement about the Kobe ad. It’s obviously written by lawyers, and it’s a hand-washing document: "Nike does not encourage consumers to reenact those campaigns that are precision engineered and carefully performed by experienced professionals."
That’s called a disclaimer, and it makes it all better. It’s like the small print on the bottom of the screen during an auto commercial. You watch a hot car being flogged around a winding road at breakneck speeds, and the print advises that it’s a professional driver on a closed course and you shouldn’t actually do it yourself. But if you don’t want me to drive like that, why make the car at all? Shouldn’t it be sold only to professionals who would be allowed to drive it only on closed courses?
Look, if the product is the best available for the use to which you intend to put it, then buy it regardless of what logo is on it or who makes it. If it isn’t, don’t. It’s a good rule to live by.
Got a book in the mail the other day that no baseball fan’s library is complete without. It’s called “Walkoffs, Last Licks, and Final Outs” (ACTA Sports, $14.95), and it’s the work of Bill Chuck and Jim Kaplan.
Kaplan is a former Sports Illustrated writer, and Bill Chuck is the author of the entertaining and eccentric Billy-Ball e-mail newsletter. He’s a contributor to MLB.com and NBCSports.com. And he loves baseball.
It shows in the book, as eclectic of a collection of neat stories and the trivia of last things as you’ll ever find. I’m a sucker for a book like this, because it fits well in the smallest room in your house, where it can be read in bite-sized segments. It’s also chock full of interesting things about this most interesting of games that I didn’t know.
An example: I’ve long known that Joe Sewell went nearly 600 at-bats in 1929 and struck out just four times. (That’s a record that will never be broken.) What Chuck and Kaplan told me that I didn’t know is that Sewell went 115 games between strikeouts. That’s incredible.
How about the only man to hit into a triple play without being charged with a time at bat? It was Goose Goselin, but you’ll have to get the book to find out how.
The 2007 Mets collapse is in here along with the 1964 Phillies. So are pitcher Greg Minton, who went 269 innings between home runs allowed; Bill Fischer, who pitched 84 innings – many of them badly – without issuing a walk; every perfect game ever pitched; the last games in old ballparks.
For autographed copies, e-mail Bill@billy-ball.com. To order directly, go here.
