A-Rod's been naughty ... so what?
Posted: Tuesday, July 01, 2008 6:52 PM
You’ve got to feel sorry for Alex Rodriguez. The poor guy can’t even pay a social visit on Madonna without the whole world knowing about it.
It’s just like last year, when he decided on a whim to visit a strip joint in Toronto and decided to take along a friend. The New York Post, nosy nest of gossip mongers that it is, felt obliged to tell its readers about it. It was thoughtful enough to describe the friend:
“His tight-bodied, bleach-blonde gal pal was clad in a snug pair of blue jeans, a shiny, light T-shirt and wedge-heeled shoes.”
The story is understood to have caused some tension in the Rodriguez home. But after clearing the air, he and wife Cynthia, who gave birth to the second of the couple’s two children later last year, seemed to have managed to move past it.
And A-Rod went on to have an MVP year and even got a few important hits in the playoffs. So other than the embarrassment it caused to his family and the newspapers it sold, it wasn’t all bad.
So before they get all bothered about A-Rod’s social life, Yankee fans should take heart that maybe this latest story, reported first by US Magazine, will ignite a second-half surge for the Yankee third baseman.
The magazine said that A-Rod has been spending time over at Madonna’s place, sometimes staying until – gasp! – midnight. I know. It hardly seems newsworthy, and you’d think a famous athlete could visit a famous entertainer – they’re in the same business, after all – without someone making a scandal out of it.
And we don’t know what they’re doing until the wee hours. For all we know, A-Rod and Madonna have been up studying the kabbalah, a Jewish brand of mysticism. According to the Kabbalah Centre’s website, it’s powerful stuff, much more powerful than even Dyanetics. Don’t take my word for it. Here’s the absolute truth direct from the home page:
“Kabbalah — the world’s oldest body of spiritual wisdom — contains the long-hidden keys to the secrets of the universe as well as the keys to the mysteries of the human heart and soul. Kabbalistic teachings explain the complexities of the material and the nonmaterial universe, as well as the physical and metaphysical nature of all humanity. Kabbalah shows in detail, how to navigate that vast terrain in order to remove every form of chaos, pain, and suffering.”
One assumes that batting slumps and ninth-inning strikeouts are covered in the “chaos, pain, and suffering” clause. So it could all be innocent.
On the other hand, they could be doing the things the tabloid stories want us to imagine they’re doing. Personally, I don’t care if they’re doing things that even the “Sophisticates” never imagined. They’re adults, and they’re welcome to do whatever they wish in the privacy of their own luxury co-ops. Whether they’re cheating on their spouses – Madonna is apparently ditching hers – is of no interest to me, although it may be to Cynthia Rodriguez.
I’m sure Yankee fans don’t care, either. A-Rod is coming off a very good month of June – probably because of the kabbalah water Madonna’s got him drinking. (I don’t actually know if she has him drinking anything, but if she is, kabbalah water is definitely on the menu.) If visits to Madonna are part of his success, the fans will be all for it.
They’re also delighted to get some juicy gossip to chew on. That’s the vital role that US Magazine and similar publications play in the life of the Republic. Without their tireless pursuit of scandal and gossip, the masses might be obliged to pay attention to what’s going on in the world around them, and there’s no telling where that sort of thing could lead.
The wonderful thing about gossip is that as long as you have an IQ within five digits of room temperature in a walk-in freezer, you can understand it. And once you’ve heard it, you don’t have to try to understand what it means. You already know that. In this case, it means that A-Rod has been naughty.
He’s in good company – or bad, depending how you view these things. USMagazine.com has been thoughtful enough to provide a gallery of celebrities Madonna has been linked to or has dated, and they include people of all three genders – male, female and Michael Jackson. It’s an eclectic group, divided into many categories – singers, actors, athletes, pool boys.
Among the athletes who’ve been there before A-Rod are Charles Barkley, Dennis Rodman and Jose Canseco, although Jose has claimed he had no interest in her – she wasn’t his type. Probably wasn’t into needles.
